dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
