You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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