Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
