I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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