My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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