Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
