you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
