I have demons in me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
