Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
whose parrot is this?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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