Screwed.edu
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
