I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
