Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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