my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
