i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
