Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
