Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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