why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
