awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
