how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
