Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
