if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
