Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
