Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
