You just made me feel so damn special
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
being pregnant is like rehab
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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