the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
