Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
