I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
