Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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