you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
