Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize