when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
