Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
