we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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