Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
