Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
