I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
