you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
