i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize