Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
