She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
