Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Randomize
