ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
