omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
