When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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