i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
