I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry about my life...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
