$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
