Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
