Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
