well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
