Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
