its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
