how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
