Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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