I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
