I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have fence marks all over my body
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
