She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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