So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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