I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You have to summon your inner elephant
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
