Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
All the doctor said was why
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
