This is not my ceiling
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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