shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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