dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
