WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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