Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
