how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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