i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
